What to Do When You Find Out Your Partner is having an Affair
When you find out that your partner has had an affair, it’s like you’ve just been sucker punched
When you find out that your partner has had an affair, it’s like you’ve just been sucker punched and the wind has been knocked right out of you. All of a sudden you can’t decipher up or down, or what’s left or right; the betrayed spouse is left feeling abandoned, helpless, and hopeless. In the midst of your chaos, a few steps should be taken in order to begin healing yourself and your relationship:
Step #1: The unfaithful partner must end all contact with the affair partner.
-One of the best ways to start rebuilding trust and safety is for the unfaithful person to telephone the affair partner in the presence of their betrayed partner when they inform the affair partner that the relationship is over.
Step #2: Share any information with your partner about the affair.
-The best rule of thumb for the betrayed spouse is to write down any questions and wait 24 hours before asking in order to see if you really want to know the answers. The unfaithful partner should answer all questions asked. This is showing their partner that they have nothing to hide.
Step#3: The unfaithful partner must allow their betrayed partner to play detective and offer up any information (e.g. reading emails, text messages, etc.).
-If you want your partner to trust you again and feel safe, you must be completely transparent.
Step #4: Find a therapist who has experience in working with couples in infidelity whether it is for individual or couples counseling. You will most likely need help to assist and support you and/or your relationship in the healing process.
***If the affair is not thoroughly addressed before marital/relationship issues, the therapy will keep cycling back to the pain caused by the affair, as the betrayed partner seeks continued validation.